Published August 27, 2008
Enter the sea.
Let it swirl around you
Feel your blood scream from shock.
Let the simple pleasure of it fill your soul
As constant as the tides.
Enter the sea.
Feel its walls enclose upon you
Let them crash and cascade in rainbow lights.
Allow the sunlight to catch you
In the moment of ecstasy.
Enter the sea.
Feel its warmth wrap around you
Like a hand reaching to bestow a gentle embrace.
Feel the velvet smoothness slide over your skin
Scream for the delight of it.
Enter the sea.
Allow your mind to be blinded
By the sudden rush of bubbles you bask in.
Let the eternal blue colour your perception of the world
Blue for sunny days and tears of rain.
Enter the sea.
Let it take you from your troubles
To places you have never dreamed of.
Allow the tide to guide your heavy soul
To a place that will set you free.
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141,441 Literary Works • 674,455 Reviews
I liked this. I think I can see the development - first physical reaction to the freezing water, getting used to it, it takes over her mind, then she's free.
I think the third line in that last stanza is a couple of syllables too long. You could try 'Arms reaching out to embrace you gently' or something.
I didn't really understand the last line of that stanza. It could be the way it's worded, or maybe my mind's just not working today!
Although it's something I don't really bother about anymore, I don't like 'of' at the end of the third line. But that's just me, and I can't think of any way to reword it!
I don't have much to comment on. I wasn't sure about the repetition either, but it's a poem about the sea - if you analyse it, the structure is like waves. I liked the words you used and thought overall it was a really nice poem.
I think this was quite good. I don't know how long you have been writing poetry for but the use of imagery here makes it seem like you really understand it. That's about all I have to say. Nice poem.
I agree with the person above, I think it is a great poem but the "Enter the Sea," makes it seem like a song or a verse. That is the only thing that I did not care for, overall the poem had many intresting words and what not.
I can't find many errors, probally none though.
I may not understand the reason of the poem, but I think it is your dreaming and escaping from normal life?
Heh, I am probally wrong, Never good with deep poems
Keep Writing
-Alex
Hi SFB and welcome to YWS!
This kind of things always divide opinions.
I think this poem was rather good! I'm not sure whether or not to be annoyed by the constant repetition of "Enter the Sea". I kind of was, but then again, I can't really blame you because I tend to do the same thing myself. So maybe I'll let you get away with it.
There were, however, some very pretty imagery, and that's something I really like. But do the stanzas relate somehow? How is the situation developping from the beginning toward the end? I can't really make up my mind on that.
Overall, a beautiful poem. Keep writing!
Demeter xxx