I liked this. I think I can see the development - first physical reaction to the freezing water, getting used to it, it takes over her mind, then she's free.
Enter the sea.
Let it swirl around you,
Feel your blood scream from shock.
Let the simple pleasure of it fill your soul
As constant as the tides. Like!
Enter the sea.
Feel its walls enclose upon you. - 'around you' maybe?
Let them crash and cascade in rainbow lights. Pretty line!
Allow the sunlight to catch you
In the moment of ecstasy.
Enter the sea.
Feel its warmth wrap around you
Like a hand reaching to bestow a gentle embrace.
Feel the velvet smoothness slide over your skin;
Scream for the delight of it.
I think the third line in that last stanza is a couple of syllables too long. You could try 'Arms reaching out to embrace you gently' or something.
Enter the sea.
Allow your mind to be blinded
By the sudden rush of bubbles you bask in.
Let the eternal blue colour your perception of the world
Blue for sunny days and tears of rain.
I didn't really understand the last line of that stanza. It could be the way it's worded, or maybe my mind's just not working today!
Enter the sea.
Let it take you from your troubles
To places you have never dreamed of.
Allow the tide to guide your heavy soul
To a place that will set you free.
Although it's something I don't really bother about anymore, I don't like 'of' at the end of the third line. But that's just me, and I can't think of any way to reword it!
I don't have much to comment on. I wasn't sure about the repetition either, but it's a poem about the sea - if you analyse it, the structure is like waves. I liked the words you used and thought overall it was a really nice poem.
Points: 890
Reviews: 140
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